


F.Y.G

by gillovnyaf



Series: Thoughts [3]
Category: The X-Files RPF
Genre: F/M, Gillovny, Soulmates, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-30 00:50:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11452554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gillovnyaf/pseuds/gillovnyaf
Summary: Together or apart, no matter how far apart, they live in one another.





	F.Y.G

**Author's Note:**

> English it's not my first language.

Hi handsome.

It has been sometime since we talk here and I don't even remember when it was the last time. What I have to speak would not fit in a simple text message, then perhaps you will be surprised when you check your email and find this.

Well, I guess I'll start by asking how you are. So, how are you?

I hope you are well. If I had to answer this question, I would say that I will get better after send this email to you.

I made a difficult choice two years ago when we sat down to talk about what was going on between us. I gave up on our relationship. I gave up on you. I gave up on both of us... Yeah, I know. At that moment you don't got mad, you have not tried to convince me otherwise, you did not insist, you do not fought... And I can say now that that day I loved you even more because of this, you know? I loved more because you respected my choice and somehow managed to understand why I had to make that decision. I love you because you understand me and above all you respect me even when it tends to hurt you deeply. And I know that I hurt you, I could see it in your eyes. You know that I hurt myself too, but I had to deal with the choice I’ve made.

I may have been a coward for choosing our friendship instead of our love. Or maybe I felt that terrible fear that our relationship will not work out and at some point everything between us was over — God, it would destroy me. The happiness I felt when I was with you, sometimes it scared me too much. It had moments that I felt as if my chest would explode with so much love, and start thinking about losing it really scared me to the point of making me run away when I believed that it would be better for both of us, the better to preserve our friendship, which is something extremely important to me, just as it is to you.

I tried so hard to move on with my life. I tried to love someone else, I was convinced that I could do it, but sadly I didn't. There were moments when I was happy with him, but I didn't stop thinking about you, I didn’t stop to imagine you and me together living as we always wish. I fought against all these thoughts, I tried to push you away from my mind and I failed at all times. I thought that keep you away from my thoughts would be as easy as keeping you away from me. It was then that I realized that I am not strong enough to stand what I feel for you, the love I carry in my chest since the day we started working together.

I think that I was running away from you all this time, you were right when you said it once. I knew that at that time we were younger, I couldn't have you just for me and I couldn't wait for it, because it was something so uncertain. So that’s why I went away when the series ended. I fell in love with other men and all of them very differently from you. I still wonder if I made the right choices consciously with intention to avoid that they remember you, in a way that was good for me. For a long time I managed to forget, I kept this love deep in my heart in a way that only you could bring it back to the surface. And when I believed that it would no longer be possible, you returned to be part of my life and what I most feared has happened: I was falling in love with you again. It may be silly what I'm going to say next... I see our love as an old tree. It was born in our chest and over the years was creating deep roots in our hearts and every day that passes it becomes more difficult to pull this feeling from within us.

I never wanted to admit it, but the truth is that you are my weakness, David. It always has been, and still is. But now I feel that I am ready, you know? Ready to face the things that made me run away. I’m tired of running from you, from me, from happiness. So I had to let go of my defenses to come here and talk with you. I want to give meaning to what we feel for each other and finally try to allow me to live this love. This bond that unites us is too tough to be broken and life comes in showing that over the years. This connection that we feel will be eternal, we know this. Life does not put us together by chance; we will always be connected in some way.

If there is a soulmate, you are mine. And it is with you that I want to spend the rest of my days. It is with you that I want to share my life — this time without doubt, without fear, without thinking about tomorrow... Forgive me if I hurt you. Forgive me for all the times that I made you wait for us.

 I do love you. I'll always love you. If you still love me, I am here for you. My life and my love are yours. Let me belong to you again — this time forever.

Still and _forever yours,_

Gillian _._


End file.
